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Fear or Love?

Dear Reader,

Welcome to the inaugural blog post of vivloh-coachealing! After a long delay, many postponements, traipsing up and down various trails and valleys of the journey called life, I am finally able to sit down to launch both the site as well as write the first blog post.


Most site owners will tell you a lot about themselves in the first post, but hm....I'm going to do this a little bit differently. Why? Well, because I've never been one to really do things the usual or conventional way. Am I a rebel of sorts? Maybe. Is it eccentricity? Possibly. Is it a ploy to get the reader's attention? Highly unlikely.


The real reason? Well, as you read more of my posts, you will eventually get to know a lot about me anyway. However, I don't believe in inundating the reader with juicy details of my life, because really vivloh-coachealing is not really about vivloh.


Then what is it really about?


Vivloh is really about YOU, the reader. As a coach, empath, healer, I am simply a vehicle, a tool of the Universe if you like, to draw your attention to your own inner world and your own healing. Whether the issue you face is a physical illness, the heartbreak in relationships, a bad business deal or a spiritual distress in the form of depression, low self-esteem, anger, loneliness, unforgiveness, the source may very well be from within than without.


Here, I'd like to gently nudge you to become aware of the inner flows of our soul and spirit. For, out of the heart flow the wellsprings of our life.


If you have been drawn to this site and this blog, chances are high that you have attempted to employ techniques and strategies of manifestation to change the pain that you undergo. You might have tried all ways and means known to you: drugs, medication, exercise, meditation, fasts, retreats, therapy, counselling, rehabilitation and so on.


Many of these healing modalities are powerful and impactful in themselves. Many are extremely effective and I would not for one, be practising some of these modalities in my 7 odd years on this path were they not working for me or my client.


Yet at the same time, you might want to consider that underlying much of the pain and suffering we are trying to relieve may simply be about how we are motivated.


As a teacher and coach, I often like to remind my students that what takes place within the subconscious and unconscious are as important as the conscious thoughts that pass through our minds, moment-by-moment. From these thoughts, come decisions that we make for the most mundane of activities like brushing your teeth at night (or not), to the most profound, life-changing events like getting married (or not).


Many of our decisions appear to be on 'autopilot'. For most of us, we don't think twice about brushing teeth, eating lunch, driving on the left/right side of the road. Unless an accident or illness has robbed you of some faculties, many of these activities have become 'automatic' by dint of having performed them thousands of times. You don't really need to 'think' hard to do them, yet at a minute level beneath your conscious thoughts, you are operating on the basis of decisions of a split second's making.


More significant decisions though, require more complexity. The complexity isn't just about the myriad biological processes of the brain, but involve an integration of many domains of our being : our heart, mind, body, soul, spirit.


Have you ever wondered then, HOW and on WHAT BASIS you make decisions about career, relationships, activities and events that constitute your being and your life?


When you decide to take on a job or a project, where does your motivation come from?


When you choose to drink wine or coffee, is the choice coming purely from enjoyment ( I like wine and I don't care for the taste of coffee) or the social situation you are currently experiencing (a party vs a date)?


When you are battling illness, is your choice of treatment stemming from financial lack or abundance?


When you are faced with a relationship that you know is not working, do you stay or leave? And why do you stay or leave?


If you trace a decision trail to its source, you might notice that at the heart of all that we do is based either on love or fear. Regardless of context and situation, the true reasons for any option can be reduced to love or fear. Something that we might take for granted as a 'healthy' decision, e.g, going to the gym after work, can actually be fear-oriented. I supervised a detox for a client last year, who despite running a fever and having flu symptoms on day 4 of a juice fast (these are classic detox symptoms of a body clearing out junk), went to do a spinning class and followed it up with 'light' weight training (according to him). Needless to say, he nearly crashed the next morning and could hardly get up. When I asked him why he was pushing himself so relentlessly despite knowing and being reminded by me to take it easy while on a detox, he said he was afraid he'd lose muscle and look ugly. His fear of ruining an image he'd so cultivated over a year of gaining muscle, nearly killed him. His fear fuelled the tremendous amount of adrenaline for a whole day of work and exercise! But the body can only be pushed so much.


Fear can certainly induce enough power to bring one very far. But how much farther can it go, before the body and eventually the spirit give out?


How many of the decisions that we make based on fear have really turned out well for us? If you look back on the choices that you have made in your life from fear, were they also well-aligned with your truest principles? Or were these options driven by ego, the friendly cousin of fear?


Are there any decisions that you are making now, that come from this space?


How would you feel if you were led by love? How would you do?


What would you NOT do?


What would you NOT compromise?


When love becomes the key source of decisions, the effects are immediate and physical. Firstly, there is a sense of relaxation, a looseness if you will. Spaciousness, an opening occurs. Your jaw unclenches, you breathing slows down, your fingers release. And if you are truly motivated from this space, you will feel freedom and peace. And a quieting of the soul.


Whether a decision is right or wrong is not so much the issue or an expectation here. Honestly, life does not guarantee a positive outcome even if love is present (hence all the manifestation strategies in the world asking you to show gratitude and love don't always work! Why do you think "THE SECRET" didn't work for many?)


Yet when love is the basis of our decision making, trust is not far away either. We trust that somehow things will work out for us. We trust that we have made the best decision, to the best of our abilities and the information available at that point in time. We trust in the goodness of Spirit and of life, that we will not be led astray, that we will be corrected in our course and brought back to centre.


And that is how life has always worked anyway. Why do we not relinquish the illusion of control that fear creates?


Love is also quite practical.


Nancy Collier writes in Psychology Today:


"To live from love not fear, on a practical level, is to shift from a goal of protecting our ego, being right, winning the argument, being not to blame, and move into actually being kind, being loving—in our actions. It is to be willing to stop proving that we’re a good person and actually be that good person—to be courageous enough to open our heart and be love even when our ego is screaming in fear."


That is not to say that it will be easy to choose love over fear. Believe me, I've been there! But so much of the needless suffering that I have created thus far in my life, began from decisions made from fear that I have decided to practise a new default.


Moment to moment, day to day, I ask myself 'What would love do here?". I notice more joy, more enjoyment, more laughter, more peace.


This doesn't mean that fear is far away. And as long as I am alive, I will experience fear. Fear in itself is not a bad emotion. It is even protective. But it is when fear becomes a default mode of operating that it becomes toxic.


Which would you choose today? I hope you choose wisely. I hope you are the one DOING the choosing. And not fear, choosing for you!

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